Empty Pockets Full
by chocoholicannanymous
Summary: Dave Karofsky is sixteen when he realizes he likes boys. This is what happens next.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything when it comes to Glee, nor would I care to, because it's a toxic mess. I want more. I want better.

This is a birthday present for spookybibi, who said a while back "I want a Kurtofsky fic to this song" (Hedley's "Pocket Full of Dreams")and for annaspalace.

**Empty Pockets Full**

Dave is sixteen, and a sophomore, when he realizes that he's attracted to boys. Well, that he's attracted to Kurt Hummel, Kurt who regardless of what everyone says definitely is a boy. Fuck.

The ridiculous heels add enough to the boy's height that he can stare straight into Dave's face for the first time, and that...changes something. The defiance in his eyes – and fuck, those are gorgeous eyes – causes Dave's stomach to clench, then sink. Oh.

So this is what desire truly is. Now what?

Then and there the future is wide open. He's got a thousand options, just waiting to happen. In a sense, right then he's got **everything**, just by virtue of not having made a choice – but that also means he has everything to lose.

It all comes down to what he wants, and what he choses to do about that want.

Dave turns around, and walks away.

That evening he locks himself in his room, and thinks. Well, panics, then thinks. He's attracted to Kurt. Does that make him gay? Dave mentally runs through the other boys in their grade, but no one else sparks even remotely the same interest in him. Just as has been the case with girls for years.

But if he's not gay, then what? Isn't all guys who are attracted to guys gay? Dave's head hurts, and his stomach cramps, and he just doesn't know. He needs to know.

Searching for information online should work, but not at home. His mom still performs random checks, and besides, Dave wouldn't really know where to start looking anyway.

That part will have to wait. That's okay, since there's so much more.

Dave's well aware of the concept of pulling pigtails. What boy isn't? But what he's been doing to Kurt doesn't qualify as that. No, that's pushing someone around. It's bullying. And it needs to stop, Dave realizes. Not just because there's no way Kurt will like a boy who pushes him around – because somehow Dave really doesn't think Kurt would go for him any way, bullying or not.

Kurt's fabulous, and out there, and interested in what Dave's learned to see as typically gay and doesn't really understand. Boys like that doesn't go for stereotypical jocks, who doesn't care about culture, and who'll most likely end up living a boring and unremarkable life. Dave keeps his appearance neat, and his clothes are always of good quality, clean and without holes. That doesn't change the fact that he wears baggy jeans and polos with his letterman jacket, or that he has a cheap, standard haircut. It doesn't change the fact that his surface is everything Kurt Hummel seems to despise.

So no, Dave doesn't think he really has a chance with Kurt – and he's not even sure he wants one, the way things are.

No, the biggest reason to stop is that it makes no sense to push others around for being different when he's realized that he himself is different.

The bullying needs to go.

The hate needs to go – because now it's directed at himself.

Dave spends a few days avoiding all situations that mean confrontation, and possible bullying, and just thinks. He goes over his options, and tries to pick the best path, not just for now, but for the future as well.

Coming out...is not one of his options. Not now. He's heard enough of his mom's disparaging commentary to know that. Best case scenario has him living in a war zone. Worst... He's having a hard time deciding if that being thrown out, or being sent off for conversion therapy – the fact that it even exists as a possibility makes bile rise in his throat.

Instead Dave decides to lay low. To do the best he can in school, to work towards a sports scholarship, to get a job and save up just in case, and to try and figure himself out.

He also decides to take one huge risk and approach Kurt Hummel. Not looking for a relationship, no, but to apologize, and maybe even get some support. Being the only gay kid in school has to be lonely, and maybe, just maybe Kurt's lonely enough to accept a closeted unsure former bully as at least something.

(Dave never figures out if it is loneliness, or pity, or just being a better person, but Kurt does accept him. They don't meet up and talk in person often, but they exchange emails frequently, and that helps. A lot.)

Refusing to participate in the bullying puts Dave at odds with Az. On the other hand, it makes things easier for him with not only Kurt and the Glee jocks, but with himself. He'll take the trade – because if he's honest with himself Dave knows that once Az finds out he'll be gone anyway.

Giving his all in school, working hard on the football field – because there are more scholarships handed out in football than in hockey – and working as many hours as he can takes up basically all of Dave's time and energy. It feels good, being so busy he can't worry, and so tired he can't freak out, but some nights... Some nights he lies awake, dry-eyed and aching with fear of what the future will bring. It's no longer wide open, and his prospects have changed – have diminished – and Dave's terrified he'll find himself at a dead end.

He could have had almost anything. Now he knows he won't. His sole comfort lies in the hope that what ever comes, he'll find someone to face it side by side with.

Junior year brings both heartbreak and laughter. Dave comes closer to figuring himself out, finds a few people in the LGBT community that are willing to act as sounding boards and support, and becomes somewhat friends with Kurt. (He also comes closer to "in love" than simply "attracted to", but.)

And Kurt finds a boyfriend. Someone who's cute, and funny, and sings, and doesn't mind having Kurt dress him. Someone who's brave enough to proudly walk down the halls holding Kurt's hand, and strong enough to defend them both if need should arise. Someone who makes Kurt happy.

Dave can see why someone would want that. Sure, his heart aches a bit, and he's jealous, but he never did expect to be Kurt's boyfriend. Hell, he never even expected to be someone Kurt's friendly towards. He'll take what he can get.

(That's not to say it doesn't hurt, or that Dave doesn't sometimes daydream about being the boy next to Kurt. It just means he's accepted reality.)

Dave turns 18 two weeks before senior year starts. He eats a nice dinner with his parents, goes to see a movie with friends, and spends most of the night packing two bags. The next day he hides them away at work, waits for his parents to come home, and then comes out. Fifteen minutes later he's homeless.

The rest of the day goes to making calls, and trying to use what connections he's got. He spends the night at a motel, and gets on the first bus out. When McKinley starts up Dave's long gone. He's working construction in New Jersey, staying in a small dingy flat, and mostly living mouth out of hand. He's tired all the time, body and soul, and lonely as hell. What spare time he's got (and isn't sleeping away) is spent either at the closest LGBT center or studying for his GED.

The future's shrunk from wide open to a sliver, but Dave refuses to fold. So he'll never be famous. So he won't be wishing on falling stars. So he's never going to invent a time machine. So what? None of that means he can't still have dreams.

The email Kurt sends is full of jealousy, anger – directed towards Dave's parents – and "how could you not **tell** me?", and ends with a demand that they meet up when Kurt moves to New York the next fall. Dave agrees, because what else can he do, and the emails become friendlier after that.

Maybe absence does make the heart fonder. Maybe not having to stare at Dave's face makes it easier to forget that Dave used to be a bully. Or maybe becoming a victim turns Dave's slate clean. Whichever it is, Dave's grateful. Making new friends is hard, between being exhausted all the time and his newfound cautiousness – his sexuality isn't even in the picture, but Dave knows it won't help.

The year passes, slow and fast at once. Dave tries to put himself out there, to make friends, but also to get over Kurt. It works, somewhat. He finds himself with a few close friends and some fun acquaintances, and even meets other people he finds attractive. But at the end of the day it's still Kurt that haunts his dreams.

It's still Kurt at the end of Dave's rainbow.

The end of August 2012 sees Kurt moving to New York, along with the newlywed Berry and Hudson. Dave can't understand wanting to share a place with them – and the honeymoon thing doesn't even come in at the top of the list – but at the same time finding a good apartment in the city is hell. Sharing's kind of a given, and better people you already know – or so Kurt says.

It takes almost a month for them to find a day that works for both of them. Dave shakes the whole ride in to the city. He hasn't seen Kurt in a year, more maybe, and is scared that he's built him up in his head. The frequent emails has shown a side of Kurt Dave never knew, and kind of loves, and having to be confronted with all of his dreams... It's terrifying, and exhilarating, all at once. (Knowing Kurt and his boyfriend broke up at the beginning of summer doesn't help. At all.)

Kurt's as fabulous as always, only maybe more so. He's grown into his body, and looks comfortable in his skin in a way he never did in Lima. And Dave... He feels like even more of a disaster these days. He's a lot more fit now, sure, with work and a stricter food budget, but he still gets the cheapest haircuts he can manage, and his clothes, well. They're clean, sure, but the t-shirt's second hand and his jeans have frayed inseams and there's a small hole at the left knee.

His hands are calloused, there's an oil smudge he couldn't get rid off, and he's managed to collect a few scars through work. After saying hello – a handshake turned into a hug – Dave pushes them deep in his pockets to help hide both that, and the shaking.

The guy he was in Lima wasn't good-looking enough for Kurt. Dave has no illusions that this scruffier version will be more acceptable. It's okay – he's had years to get used to that idea. He and Kurt are friends by now, and that's worth more than kisses. (It has to be.)

When Christmas comes around Kurt stays in the city, claiming that going back to Lima would mean taking too much time off from work, and demands that Dave help him celebrate. Dave agrees – it's not like he's got an option, and it's time with Kurt. He'll never turn that down.

As the ball drops at New Year's Eve Kurt kisses him. Dave freezes, and then promptly pinches himself. Kurt's face goes from hurt to smiling as Dave swears from the pain, and from smiling to shining as the sun as Dave sweeps him into his arms and kisses him back with all the pent up longing nearly three years can amass.

It's a new year, and a new (or new-ish) city, and a new start, and Dave embraces it all. It's all he would have wished for, had he been the kind to wish at stars, and he intends to make the best of it. Oh, it won't be easy, but nothing worth having is after all.

They laugh and they fight. They scream and they love, and they do their damnedest to make it work. And somehow it does. Regardless of all the reasons they shouldn't work, Dave and Kurt fit together. They make each other happy, and Dave finds himself thinking that the future seems wide open again. As if he can take anything, do anything, now that he's got Kurt by his side.

Summer of '13 sees Dave move in with the trio. The one-bedroom apartment that's really too small for three should definitely be too small for four, and they all know living together won't be easy, but they're willing to try, for happiness. Building a wall, luckily, is easy – at least when you know how, like Dave's work buddy Juan – and after a day of hard work the living room's become a dining area and a second bedroom.

It's small, just shy of claustrophobic, and there's barely room for all their things. Dave loves it. It's got everything he wants and needs, after all, because it's got **Kurt**.

As he lies in bed that night, Kurt curled up in his arms and sound asleep, Dave feels happy in a way that almost scares him. For what might be the first time ever he feels he's **really** got everything, and that having everything still means he's got everything to lose. The thought of losing this... No. He won't let that happen. Dave vows to keep fighting for Kurt, even though he has him now, and to work on their relationship.

It won't be easy, he knows. Kurt's focused on performing, on a career of chasing dreams and wishing on stars. Dave's future looks likes a long row of days spent doing menial labor. They'll meet prejudice, and hatred, and deep down Dave will always miss his parents. They'll be fighting to meet ends meet financially, and it's more likely than not that they'll both be resigned to holes in their jeans. But Dave believes they'll make it anyway, because they'll have each other.

Dave's never been one to wish at shooting stars – but he'll learn, and he'll let let Kurt be that star. He'll fill his pockets – both their pockets – with dreams, and he'll spend his days smiling because he has everything and he refuses to lose it.

_Empty pockets full of dreams_

_and you_

_are everything I need_

_I never had much at all_

_but I still got everything to lose_

_'Cause I don't want anything but you_

~The End ~


End file.
